Dear Em,
You know and I know, that you’ve had to move your entire life to a completely new place a few times now. Each time, you spend a few days stuck in a panic that you’ve made the wrong decision and heading down a black hole. To remind you how best to handle this, I’ve made some notes for you.
Firstly, your thoughts feel like they’re important and that they’re telling you the truth of the situation, but they’re not. What’s going through your head is all of your fears mashed together and going berserk. They are not the truth and you do not need to give them free reign over the inside of your head.
Although it feels completely unnatural, try and hold steady. If you feel yourself sliding down a slope of listening to the fear thoughts, try and pull yourself back.
Find one positive fact you believe and repeat it like a mantra. ‘No body’s died, we’re all still here.’ (Mum gave you that one) Find something true and good and repeat it so it can clear a space in the otherwise horrific thoughts going through your head. It might just be, ‘the sky is still blue, the tides are still coming in and out, my lungs are still expanding and contracting, the blood is still circulating around my body’ – It’s the equivalent of finding a tiny but stable anchor to hang onto whilst everything swirls and crashes around you.
Next, make sure you are kind to yourself. Sometimes when you feel awful, your reaction is to be cruel – not eat, not put the heating on, not change your bedclothes - the equivalent of giving yourself a lashing. Treat yourself like a small kitten who’s been abandoned. Put on your favorite snuggly jumper; make your favorite food; watch a film you love. Now is the time to treat yourself, don’t question whether you deserve it or not, just do it, in the same way you would for the kitten, or if a small child was ill.
Lastly, this is important: What you’re missing at the moment is love. Love is the counter to fear. By being kind to yourself, you are giving yourself the love that is missing around you.
The biggest source of love is God (the Universe, Jesus, energy, whatever you understand to be a higher power.) To be able to feel this, get still. Find somewhere safe and quiet, take some good deep breaths and let them out. Imagine your struggle is falling away with your breath. Ask for love and light to fill you up and try and feel it nourish your every cell. Don’t intellectualise this – feel it. Try visualising being bathed in pink light, or God holding his hand over you, or Angels, Dolphins – whatever works for you. If you’re not feeling the higher power thing, try and think of of the feeling of love (love of a pet, love of the ocean, whatever.) Focus on the feeling of love and allow it to fill you up. Don’t go back into your head here “I’ve never been loved, I can’t think of anything – just trust and feel it. Ask for all the love in the world to be directed towards you – don’t worry how that’s going to work - it will find you.
Don’t forget the ‘give and you’ll receive’ bit - Whilst you’re quiet and still and in a good space, ask that everyone on the planet receive the same love that you need. This doesn’t take anything away from you, by giving, what you receive will be stronger. Don’t think this one through – just know that by asking for it, it is done.
Now, about this time, your fear will probably jump in and try to tell you that hasn’t worked, or that it’s all useless and you’re doomed. Once again, this is your thoughts going crazy (see the first paragraph above) Have faith that on a higher level, you are safe, however much your ego wants to tell you otherwise.
Try and remember it takes a couple of days for the panic to pass, and it will take a couple of weeks to find your feet. But also remember, each time you’ve done this, you’ll soon get used to your surroundings and you won’t want to leave.
x
