Finding your strength.

Dear Em,

It’s time to talk about your ego.

You know and I know that you have an ego; a not-so-helpful voice inside your head who compares you with everyone, judges everyone, and thinks people are watching you at all times, and commenting on you. (Let’s be honest, shall we?)

Your ego thinks you’re great some days, not just great, but the absolute super duper best at everything. Other days, it will tell you generally that you’re a mess, and many other horrible, horrible things that it won’t help anyone to repeat.

Your ego shows up most, in the parts of your life that you are most strongly identified with. So, if you’re trying to be a great surfer, or a wonderful public speaker, or a Zen love Goddess, you might notice that you don’t feel quite yourself.

Oprah says, “Everytime you pretend to be something that you’re not, that’s ego.”

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be the next Kelly Slater, but it takes a huge amount of energy to try and convince the whole beach that you are a fantabulous surfer, and effortlessly cool, when you’re struggling to do up your own zip on your wetsuit.

Likewise, it takes a huge amount of energy to maintain saying the exact right things to people, so they get the exact right impression of you, exactly how you would like them to see you. (Especially if you fancy them – double trouble! You can be so invested in what they think of you, that you start acting like someone you don’t even recognise!)

So, what to do?

Here are some things which have been successful, although to differing degrees. Try and remember that all of this takes practice, it’s not going to happen in a day, but it’s maybe the most important thing you’re going to master.

To get out of your head, you’re meant to move your attention to your body (you know this.) This isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially in the middle of the night, when your head is buzzing with a million thoughts and any attempt to concentrate on the feeling in your toes lasts about a millisecond. Try and take some deep, deep breaths and let them out, then try a scan of your body. When thoughts slip in, try and let them go, don’t follow them. 

Meditating, is the big Daddy of this process. Stick with it. It’s a cumulative process which will strengthen your ability to zone out the rubbish and focus on what’s true.

Mantras work for some people, the repetition of one thing stops other thoughts slipping in. (You once achieved this successfully by silently chanting ‘Om- Nami-Pene-Om, all the way from the car park to the beach and into the water. You successfully made it out through the waves without once thinking ‘I’m rubbish at surfing! I’m rubbish at surfing! These waves are too big! What am I doing here? Run back to your car! Run! Drive away! No one will see you!)

Try and be present in and with what is happening. When you start getting lost in thoughts of whether you are superior, or inferior to others, your ability to connect with what your doing is lost. 

Finally, work on accepting yourself, no matter what. You don’t need to pretend to be anything or anyone you’re not. You don’t need to have more, earn more, look better, or do better. You’ve maybe not got this yet, but I’m here to tell you that you are enough, just as you are, Right Now. (yes, even with those thighs.)

If you can avoid listening to your ego’s thoughts for just a moment, you’ll see what sits behind them is the power and strength in the universe. Once you lift up your eyes from your little thoughts and move past thinking from fear, you tap into is where your power lives. This is where amazing ideas pop into your head; where you feel completely at peace with the world; where you can fully appreciate everything around you; where you are truly happy, and where you belong.

x