Letters to myself

What I learnt from visiting Occupy Los Angeles.

2011-10-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

I spent all of yesterday at Occupy LA: I joined a yoga class, did a lesson on basic economics (above), visited the library, did a meditation, watched a committee meeting and the General Assembly. I borrowed a sweater from the supplies tent when it got cold, and I was offered a hot lunch, but I'd packed my own.

What I hadn’t realized watching from the outside is that, beyond the aims of the protest, Occupy LA is a living, breathing experiment in how a society could live together. The fact that the protest had been allowed to stay camped for so long means day by day, they are having to figure out how to exist as disparate individuals with a collective vision.

There are working committees for all aspects of the community, which each resident is encouraged to join. Beneath this, there are affinity groups for different religions, cultures and social issues. The committees meet every day. At 7pm, the whole community meets for the general assembly, where one minute updates are encouraged from each committee. During the assembly, there are moderators, peacemakers, timekeepers and hand signal systems of making sure everyone is heard.

At one point yesterday, someone was angry and storming around the tents (I don’t think he was part of the protest.) A man with long dreads, holding a bamboo stick came across, I guess he was a peace keeper. His appearance aside, his manner was absolute calm and clarity, and he completely changed the energy of the interaction.

My overall feeling was one of being humbled. This community showed me that it is possible to live differently, to have hope in a different type of future and to do so with love and compassion and intelligence. I'm not big on hanging out in tents and using bad toilets, but if you can get past the shabby living conditions, there are some real lessons here. TV and apathy have been replaced by vitality, energy and engagement.

Whatever happens to the future of the protest, the movement is allowing people the chance to be absolutely themselves; you can see people coming alive with their own potential. Some of the young people blew me away with their focus and consideration; they are organized, smart, genuine and accepting, and they’re bringing out the very best in others.

Watch out America - you’ve brought up some amazing children, now you’re going to see what they can do.

The People's Library

'The People's University', where I did a class in Basic Economics.

Finding your strength.

2011-10-17T15:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Em,

It’s time to talk about your ego.

You know and I know that you have an ego; a not-so-helpful voice inside your head who compares you with everyone, judges everyone, and thinks people are watching you at all times, and commenting on you. (Let’s be honest, shall we?)

Your ego thinks you’re great some days, not just great, but the absolute super duper best at everything. Other days, it will tell you generally that you’re a mess, and many other horrible, horrible things that it won’t help anyone to repeat.

Your ego shows up most, in the parts of your life that you are most strongly identified with. So, if you’re trying to be a great surfer, or a wonderful public speaker, or a Zen love Goddess, you might notice that you don’t feel quite yourself.

Oprah says, “Everytime you pretend to be something that you’re not, that’s ego.”

This doesn’t mean that you can’t be the next Kelly Slater, but it takes a huge amount of energy to try and convince the whole beach that you are a fantabulous surfer, and effortlessly cool, when you’re struggling to do up your own zip on your wetsuit.

Likewise, it takes a huge amount of energy to maintain saying the exact right things to people, so they get the exact right impression of you, exactly how you would like them to see you. (Especially if you fancy them – double trouble! You can be so invested in what they think of you, that you start acting like someone you don’t even recognise!)

So, what to do?

Here are some things which have been successful, although to differing degrees. Try and remember that all of this takes practice, it’s not going to happen in a day, but it’s maybe the most important thing you’re going to master.

To get out of your head, you’re meant to move your attention to your body (you know this.) This isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially in the middle of the night, when your head is buzzing with a million thoughts and any attempt to concentrate on the feeling in your toes lasts about a millisecond. Try and take some deep, deep breaths and let them out, then try a scan of your body. When thoughts slip in, try and let them go, don’t follow them.

Meditating, is the big Daddy of this process. Stick with it. It’s a cumulative process which will strengthen your ability to zone out the rubbish and focus on what’s true.

Mantras work for some people, the repetition of one thing stops other thoughts slipping in. (You once achieved this successfully by silently chanting ‘Om- Nami-Pene-Om, all the way from the car park to the beach and into the water. You successfully made it out through the waves without once thinking ‘I’m rubbish at surfing! I’m rubbish at surfing! These waves are too big! What am I doing here? Run back to your car! Run! Drive away! No one will see you!)

Try and be present in and with what is happening. When you start getting lost in thoughts of whether you are superior, or inferior to others, your ability to connect with what your doing is lost.

Finally, work on accepting yourself, no matter what. You don’t need to pretend to be anything or anyone you’re not. You don’t need to have more, earn more, look better, or do better. You’ve maybe not got this yet, but I’m here to tell you that you are enough, just as you are, Right Now. (yes, even with those thighs.)

If you can avoid listening to your ego’s thoughts for just a moment, you’ll see what sits behind them is the power and strength in the universe. Once you lift up your eyes from your little thoughts and move past thinking from fear, you tap into is where your power lives. This is where amazing ideas pop into your head; where you feel completely at peace with the world; where you can fully appreciate everything around you; where you are truly happy, and where you belong.

When things are going wrong, have faith that they’re right.

2011-10-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Em.

The trick with this one is remembering it when everything’s going bloody wrong.

So, here it is: Whatever is happening, however bad it looks, it is the right thing to be happening. You probably can’t see why at the moment, but you will at some point.

Someone very wise once described this as like traveling by car at night. Your headlights light up just enough of the road to keep you moving forward, not the whole journey. It’s the same with life – you only get to see what’s happening now, not how it fits into the bigger picture. Your job is to relax and try to enjoy the ride, (and not to worry that the headlights are failing.)

It’s best here to give an example –this is a simple one. Remember coming back from shopping on your bicycle that night? You were in a new part of town, in a new city and had ages to ride home. It was getting dark and you didn’t have lights, so you were starting to get anxious. As you took what you thought was the road back, you wound up on the wrong side of a busy traffic, going in the wrong direction.

You decide to turn around but as you do, you see an almost hidden bike path running under the freeway. The path is smooth and safe, away from traffic and runs next to a river and trees (pretty rare in downtown Los Angeles.) A cyclist tells you the path will take you all the way back home – simple.

So, what did you learn? Had you not got ‘lost’, you would never have been on the wrong side of a freeway, heading in the wrong direction and been able to see the path. It felt like things were wrong, but actually they were right, you just didn’t know what was coming next.

It’s at moments like these when you can feel the universe is with you. Like when a parent teaches a child to swim, they put their hand underneath for support. They let go and the child feels like they’re on your own, but as soon as they need it, the hand comes back up – it was there all the time.

It’s the same with the universe. You think it’s not there, loving you, listening to you. You think you’re on your own, but if you stop trying to figure it all out yourself, and just surrender, you’ll feel it rise up to support you.

How to cope with massive change

2011-09-27T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Em,

You know and I know, that you’ve had to move your entire life to a completely new place a few times now. Each time, you spend a few days stuck in a panic that you’ve made the wrong decision and heading down a black hole. To remind you how best to handle this, I’ve made some notes for you.

Firstly, your thoughts feel like they’re important and that they’re telling you the truth of the situation, but they’re not. What’s going through your head is all of your fears mashed together and going berserk. They are not the truth and you do not need to give them free reign over the inside of your head.

Although it feels completely unnatural, try and hold steady. If you feel yourself sliding down a slope of listening to the fear thoughts, try and pull yourself back.

Find one positive fact you believe and repeat it like a mantra. ‘No body’s died, we’re all still here.’ (Mum gave you that one) Find something true and good and repeat it so it can clear a space in the otherwise horrific thoughts going through your head. It might just be, ‘the sky is still blue, the tides are still coming in and out, my lungs are still expanding and contracting, the blood is still circulating around my body’ – It’s the equivalent of finding a tiny but stable anchor to hang onto whilst everything swirls and crashes around you.

Next, make sure you are kind to yourself. Sometimes when you feel awful, your reaction is to be cruel – not eat, not put the heating on, not change your bedclothes - the equivalent of giving yourself a lashing. Treat yourself like a small kitten who’s been abandoned. Put on your favorite snuggly jumper; make your favorite food; watch a film you love. Now is the time to treat yourself, don’t question whether you deserve it or not, just do it, in the same way you would for the kitten, or if a small child was ill.

Lastly, this is important: What you’re missing at the moment is love. Love is the counter to fear. By being kind to yourself, you are giving yourself the love that is missing around you.

The biggest source of love is God (the Universe, Jesus, energy, whatever you understand to be a higher power.) To be able to feel this, get still. Find somewhere safe and quiet, take some good deep breaths and let them out. Imagine your struggle is falling away with your breath. Ask for love and light to fill you up and try and feel it nourish your every cell. Don’t intellectualise this – feel it. Try visualising being bathed in pink light, or God holding his hand over you, or Angels, Dolphins – whatever works for you. If you’re not feeling the higher power thing, try and think of of the feeling of love (love of a pet, love of the ocean, whatever.) Focus on the feeling of love and allow it to fill you up. Don’t go back into your head here “I’ve never been loved, I can’t think of anything – just trust and feel it. Ask for all the love in the world to be directed towards you – don’t worry how that’s going to work - it will find you.

Don’t forget the ‘give and you’ll receive’ bit - Whilst you’re quiet and still and in a good space, ask that everyone on the planet receive the same love that you need. This doesn’t take anything away from you, by giving, what you receive will be stronger. Don’t think this one through – just know that by asking for it, it is done.

Now, about this time, your fear will probably jump in and try to tell you that hasn’t worked, or that it’s all useless and you’re doomed. Once again, this is your thoughts going crazy (see the first paragraph above) Have faith that on a higher level, you are safe, however much your ego wants to tell you otherwise.

Try and remember it takes a couple of days for the panic to pass, and it will take a couple of weeks to find your feet. But also remember, each time you’ve done this, you’ll soon get used to your surroundings and you won’t want to leave.